"When days seem dark and dreary I sometimes talk to my horse. His horse-sense, humorous view of life lifts my spirits, soothes my soul and provides me with a more simple perspective on life."
Here are a few samples of:
Conversations with
My Pal Cal
By Larry Palmer
In less than fifteen months the author had three close calls with death. So close he once felt like he could literally reach out and touch death itself. He felt he had to review his life and reorganize his priorities. He claims his horse, My Pal Cal, has helped him do so.
Cal is a fifteen hand Paso Fino (big for a Paso), 17-year old, bay gelding with a crooked blaze and three white socks. Larry describes him as “perfectly imperfect”. Paso Finos usually have names that recall unbounded energy, speed, or the very tight-stepping Fino gait. El Senor Caldero de la Paz (My Pal Cal) translates to “Kettle of Peace”. And he lives up to his name. Cal is rode barefoot and on just a halter. No hackamore or bit.
Larry has talked to My Pal Cal since he bought him nearly five years ago. He says “Oh, I know he can’t really talk in human words. So I try to think like a horse and provide the human words he would probably use if he could speak human, Instead of horse”. Here are a few excerpts from their “talks”.
The first time I put words in Cal’s mouth I was hand walking him and we passed some particularly onerous looking plastic trash bins brimming over with all kinds of multi-colored, flapping, shining ‘haints’. Cal jumped a foot and puffed up like a balloon, eyes wild, ears straight up, feet prancing, blowing and snorting like a pig. I wondered what he would do if I imitated his behavior. So I did. Raising myself to full height I puffed and snorted and stamped around. Cal stopped moving, stood perfectly still and stared at me as if to say: “You’re a predator and you’re scared too? Let’s get the hell out of here!!
Larry to Cal: How often do I need to ride to become a good horseman?
Cal: Riding a horse is like shaving for a man. If he doesn’t do it on a regular basis he will sometimes look like a bum.
Larry: What do horses really feel about humans?
Cal: A horse figures he can fool some of the humans all of the time and all of the humans some of the time. With odds like that life is fun for a horse. Horses like to play and have fun.
Larry: Since I started riding at such a late age, some horse folks have said I’ll probably never be very good. What do you think?
Cal: A diamond aint nothin’ but a piece of coal that decided to stick with it and take the pressure. Decide if you’re a diamond or just a piece of coal.
Larry: Some folks say that horses aren’t very smart. I think you are very smart but how would one explain that to another human?
Cal: Well, let’s see now, you feed me, brush me, clean my stall, clean my feet, my nose, my mouth, my eyes, my sheath and bathe me. You handle all of my medical and dental bills, provide a comfortable dry and roomy place for me to rest and sleep. You even protect me from the rest of the predators. Since I don’t do any of these things for you, who do you think is smarter?
Larry: How did you enjoy our ride?
Cal: I wasn’t riding. You were riding. I was carrying. Ask me how I like carrying.
Larry: OK, how did you like carrying?
Cal: Don’t ask.
Cal (on horse sense): You can lead a horse to water but that won’t impress anyone (even the horse). If you can teach him to do something interesting and fun like lay on his back, float and spurt streams of water into the air from his nose, then you’ve really got something!
Larry: Some folks claim that horses don’t have souls so they won’t be in heaven. What do you think?
Cal: Horses do have souls. And who could ever think of a heaven without all of God’s marvelous critters there? Why the very thought is hateful and unimaginable.
Larry: Do horses have beliefs? Do they for instance believe in miracles?
Cal: Since the day the human met the horse, the human has mostly mistreated the horse, ate him, use him as a tool, as a war machine and as entertainment at races. So, yes, it is a miracle that the horse even let’s the human near him much less ride around on his back.
Larry: Then, do horses ever grow to love and trust humans?
Cal: Not in that order but the other way around. You see a horse doesn’t trust you because he loves you; he loves you because he can trust you.
Cal (on water): It may look like a little puddle to you and you can tell me all day what a big horse I am but I keep remembering a story about a big boat called the Titanic. We know what happened to it. And unlike me, the Titanic was made and meant to be in water.
Cal (on electric wire): While it is true that a horse having touched an electric hot wire will not touch another hot one, it is also a pretty good bet he won’t go near a cold one either.
Larry: Cal, the economy is terrible, Wall Street is in a frenzy, wars are raging and we are experiencing terrorism for the first time. What do you think about all of this chaos?
Cal (very pensive): Any chance we’re gonna’ run out of carrots or apples?
Larry: Well, carrots are $5.00 for fifty pounds and apples are cheap. You are the only horse here to eat them. So, no. I don’t see how we would run out of carrots or apples.
Cal: “Then what’s to worry?”
Recently Cal and I rode in a cowboy action mounted shooting group. Participants ride a course made up of colored balloons on top of five-foot high sticks. The rider shoots the balloons as he rides by them. Since it was Cal's first experience with gunfire, we just observed. Cal accepted the noise and chaos calmly. After the shooting stopped I asked Cal what he thought of it.
Cal: Well it's OK but you can't eat a balloon. I know, let's go shoot some alfalfa!!
Cal's not crazy about baths, but he endures them. Once he was actually shivering when I did the final rinse. I said, "Cal it is a very sunny day, clear skies, no breeze and the temperature is over 90 degrees. How can you be cold?"
Cal replied: Tell you what we'll do. You stand here naked and I'll run cold hose water on you for thirty minutes. THEN you can give me a weather report".
One trail Cal and I ride is a multi-use trail. Bikers, hikers, joggers, folks with baby strollers and horses. There are no bathroom facilities along the several miles of trails. I had noticed male joggers and even bikers disappearing into the ten-foot high foliage beside the trail, presumably relieving their bladders. Having the same pressing need and knowing the stable was 45 minutes away I decided to avail myself of the "potty in the pines". Holding Cal's reins behind me I entered, selected a likely private spot and proceeded with my chore. After a few moments I looked around for Cal. He was leaning over my shoulder watching and his expression clearly said, "Pitiful".
About the author:
Flying, sailing, shooting, scuba diving over many years and never a serious injury. And then there was coronary bypass heart surgery. While having a post-op checkup the cardiologist responded to a question from Larry by saying, “Yes, you were definitely poised to have a heart attack and very soon. That’s the good news. The bad news is you were not going to survive the attack.”
Then a kick in the stomach by a new horse resulted in removal of fourteen inches of intestines, a cracked liver, loss of 1.5 liters of blood, a frightening convulsive reaction to a blood transfusion and a stubborn 104 degree temperature that lasted four days in ICU. Of all the complications the trauma surgeon, who was also a thoracic, surgeon told him his greatest concern was that the recently repaired heart would not take the strain of the surgery, blood loss and fever. But it did.
Another horse accident a few months later flipped him onto a log fence. The logs broke but so did every vertebra in his back. Two long-time herniated disks in his lower back slowed the recovery. None of the accidents involved Cal.
Larry is now walking, working and riding Cal. He and his wife Loretta of 31 years live in Southern California where Larry is in his own advertising sales business.
And, of course, he is still talking with “My Pal Cal”.
Happy trails,
Trail Riding Sweetheart
